Resistance

Ah, my old friend resistance.....I can say old friend because I feel my resistance kept me somewhat protected for so long. I began to feel it the instant we started talking about moving to the Bay. I observed myself coming up with way out thoughts on why we couldn't move here, justifying. The question that I kept asking myself was "What if this is the best thing to happen and I'm saying No?"

I have resisted many things from that point on, I'm grateful that my husband was very understanding and patient, giving me time to work through my challenges. The turning point came when we went to sign up for some videos at our local store. I could feel this barrier rising in me, not feeling comfortable in the store and just wishing that everything I had in Highfields was here, as I knew it to be, as it was. Well the Universe had other ideas for me. The whole process of renting a movie was different, and I felt like walking out in tears of frustration and anger.

My patient husband helped me get through it, hiring so great movies.And whilst it doesn't seem like such a biggy, I knew it represented so much more than just renting a movie. Later on that night I developed stomach cramps and I knew I could not hang on to how things were any longer, on any realm. And so I surrendered. This is not to say resistance hasn't come up again, it has. But this time I'm aware of how it feels in my body and I can approach it with a little less fear and take small steps. Asking small questions.

"If you continue to focus on the past, you can not see what is in the future"

from the movie Ratatouille